I've cried at least three times a week. Possibly everyday. I cry because I see the love of my life sad and afraid. I cry because life can be very cruel. Why do so many people suffer?
My problems are mosquito bite on an elephants ass compared to many, many people. Its hard to put in perspective how bad some people have it. Many days I feel guilty simply for feeling down. How dare I feel sad when my partner gets laid off and we teeter on the edge of complete loss. Should I not fear what will happen if my business fails? If I cant earn a living because people just are not showing up in city busses and lining up for a 60 dollar haircut? What's my problem? There are people who are starving, people who are homeless. People who by mere birth have every odd stacked against them. I can no longer be convinced that there is some divine being out there looking out for his flock. In the past I have always been the first one to accept the presence of the divine. Jesus, Allah, God, Brahma, I've tried them all. I've prayed, chanted, sang, danced, screamed, meditated, lit candles, read holy books, spoke in tongues, fasted, feasted, fed the poor. I HAVE a religious history:) Yet as I look around and see the systematic destruction of the poor and working class by the powerful, elite, bullies of this world, all faith in GOD vanishes.
So when my heart is at its most fragile, and my strength at its lowest I look into the eyes of the man I have committed my life to and find my god. My faith. Suddenly I'm not afraid. Love is really god. Silly, maybe. Cliche, Si! Simple.............of course! The human capacity to love is what separates us from amphibians. And not just love, but trust and believe in. Frogs really do not trust each other.
If I had nothing left, I'd have Vince. If illness ruins me financially, I still have Vince. When I'm old, ugly and poop my britches, I will always have Vince!
We all have someone who love us. We all have someone who loves us.
Maybe its not a partner, husband, wife, spouse. Maybe its a mom, dad, auntie, friend, friends, family. We do not go it alone.
The loss of all financial and material stuff will not kill me. The fear of the loss of all financial and material stuff will also not kill me. If I have my health I can get these things back. As my high school choir teacher Joan Lamb says "no one ever said it was going to be easy".
Look Around. Take a moment to look at the face of the person you love. Look a little longer than you might normally. That is God.
If I lose people, If I lose love, life is empty.
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